PEACHY DAYS!
by Hoogiman
Summary: Follow the ZANY adventures of the CRAZY smashers as they have WACKY adventures in THE smash mansion! It's going to be the FUNNIEST of the humour, the greatest of the GREAT! This description isn’t self promotional! I shant UPDATE UNTIL u GIV ME 52 REVIEWS!
1. Ep 1: Pilot

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

_Winter Days...  
Soon..._

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

**Chapter One: Pilot!**

Peach walked in through the grand entrance of the Smash Mansion, dragging along a dog on a leash. Peach was about to step through the automatic sliding doors, when a bounder approached Peach.

"No dogs allowed!" said the bouncer.

"Why not?" asked Peach.

"House rules," said the bouncer, "Master Hand doesn't allow them."

"That is unfair!" cried Peach. "I love my doggy! And you have to let him inside!"

"Sorry, I can't," said the bouncer.

"Well," said Peach angrily, "If you aren't going to let him in, then I'm going to have to smuggle him in!"

Peach put her dog in her purse, and tried to walk into the Smash Mansion.

"I saw you put the dog in the purse," said the bouncer angrily.

"Oh… so am I not supposed to show you the item I am trying to smuggle whilst smuggling?" asked Peach.

The bouncer nodded.

Peach went around a corner, took the dog out, put the dog back in, walked up to the entrance and looked at the bouncer.

"Now you can't stop me!" said Peach.

"Can I check your bag?" asked the bouncer.

"Sure!" said Peach.

Peach showed the bouncer her bag.

The bouncer opened the bag, and saw the dog.

"Is that a dog?" asked the bouncer.

"Ye- noooo…" said Peach, **very convincingly**.

"It is a dog," said the bouncer, "I can't let you in."

"Aww…" said Peach, "Can I try again?"

"Sure," replied the bouncer, "But that doesn't mean I'll let you in."

"Just you wait!" said Peach.

Peach put on a wig.

"Can I come in?" asked Peach.

"You are an idiot!" said the bouncer, "Do you honestly expect me to let your dog in, when you are wearing a wig? It doesn't even hide the dog or anything, you just have a wig on… and the wig's blonde!"

"It must be a very convincing wig!" said Peach, poking her tongue out.

"I'm sure it is," said the bouncer, sighing, "But I won't let your dog in!"

"But it isn't a dog!" said Peach.

The bouncer sighed.

"How about, I force myself in!" said Peach angrily.

"Well, you'll bump into the hypothetical glass wall!" said the bouncer.

"Ha, you're funny! You think you can fool me with your wit, and games? Well…"

Peach walked into the hypothetical glass wall.

"Ow!" said Peach.

Peach collapsed on the ground.

"Are you alright?" asked the bouncer.

The bouncer leant over Peach.

"Ha, tricked you!" said Peach.

Peach quickly got up, and ran inside.

"Haha, you can't stop me now!" said Peach, cackling evilly.

"You forgot your dog," said the bouncer.

"NUUEZ!1" screamed Peach, running out.

Peach grabbed her dog, and ran towards the Smash Mansion. She dodged the hypothetical wall, and ran through the front entrance.

"Yes!" said Peach, "I have successfully smuggled my dog in!"

The RSPCA came in.

"RSPCA," said Peach, "More like… RSVPA!1 lol!"

Nobody laughed.

Fargus cracked a joke.

Nobody laughed.

"I'm sorry, but we're going to have to take you all back to the dog pound," said the RSPCA, "We need to take back all unowned dogs, or people who have an IQ low that they should be replaced by a dog in order to function better in society."

The RSPCA took the dog, Fargus and Peach into the van.

People celebrated.

The episode ended.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

K.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!


	2. Ep 2: OMFG UNPREDICTABILITY

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

**Chapter Two: OMFG PREDICTABILITY**

"Can you do the washing?" asked Luigi to Peach.

"Sure thing," said Peach.

Peach took the laundry basket.

"Don't stuff up!" laughed Luigi.

"Okay, don't you worry!" said Peach, "I surely wouldn't do anything like **mixing the colours **together or anything!"

"Remember," said Luigi, "**Don't mix the colours! **We wouldn't want the ever so **unpredictable **and **hilarious **result of the washing coming out pink, would we?"

"Of course not!" said Peach, "that would be **absolutely terrible **and **hilarious **and **unpredictable **if I mixed the colours together, and they would come out pink!"

"The washing is **very important to me**, and there is an **important **event happening tomorrow, so you wouldn't want to **mix the colours **together, would we?" asked Luigi, "I've got a **very very very important wedding **tomorrow, and it would just be so **absolutely terribly hilarious **if you were to **mix the colours **together so they would all come out **pink** because it is a really **hilarious **and **unpredictable **punch line!"

"Okay, I'll take that **very important washing containing a million-dollar wedding dress **and not mix the colours, **so they will not come out white, **and there would be no** hilarious result of the washing coming out pink, because that would be an absolutely original and hilarious idea!**" said Peach.

"Whatever you do, **do not mix the colours!**" said Luigi.

"Pardon?" asked Peach.

"Whatever you do, **do not mix the colours!**" said Luigi.

"Pardon?" asked Peach.

"Whatever you do, **_DO NOT MIX THE COLOURS_!**" said Luigi.

"Okay!" said Peach, "I'll do the washing, and I **won't mix the colours to make the expensive wedding dress come out pink!**"

Peach took the washing.

AN: OMFG choose your way!

**Ending A**

**15 minutes later…**

"Here's your washing back!" said Peach, handing the washing back to Luigi.

Luigi looked at the washing.

"Oh dear, the washing is pink! Rats!" said Luigi, in an obviously faked voice, "You ruined my whole wedding!"

Luigi cried in a **very convincing manner**.

---

"And that was my idea for my newest original story!" said Fargus, to a group of publishers. "Funny, huh?"

The publishers stared blankly.

"Can you stand on the Red X?" asked one of the publishers.

"Sure!" said Fargus.

Fargus stood on the Red X.

An anvil dropped from the sky, hitting him in the head.

"Yayz!" said the kiddies, who now suddenly appreciated this piece of trash.

**Ending B**

"Here's your washing!" said Peach.

Luigi looked at the washing.

"What? It isn't pink? I didn't expect that!" said Luigi. "I guess there's no unpredictable punch line!"

A comedicly timed block of cement fell from the sky, crushing Luigi.

Luigi died.

---

"And that was my idea for my newest original story!" said Fargus, to a group of publishers. "Funny, huh?"

The publishers stared blankly.

"Can you stand on the Red X?" asked one of the publishers.

"Sure!" said Fargus.

Fargus stood on the Red X.

An anvil dropped from the sky, hitting him in the head.

"Yayz!" said the kiddies, who now suddenly appreciated this piece of trash.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter was extremely dry. But not as dry as Dr. Weirdlove. I am so so sorry. This lacks so much humour.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!


	3. Ep 3: Scam

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

**Chapter Three: Scam**

The door was knocked.

Or, alternatively, the doorbell was rung.

But there was an action made by a person to alert someone else to open the door.

Peach opened the door.

"Hello!" said Peach, smiling.

"Hi," said a man, wearing a top hat, "Er… I'm from the bank!"

"Which bank?" asked Peach.

"Which bank do you use?" asked the guy wearing a top hat.

"The piggy bank!" giggled Peach.

"Ha, ha, funny," said the guy wearing a top hat, **very genuinely.**

"Yay, you liked my joke! Will you be my friend?" asked Peach.

"Will you let me access all of your bank accounts, abandon you later, and then move to another country?" asked the man.

…

…

"Would you do it in a friendly way?" asked Peach.

"Er… yes!" said the man, **not lying**.

"Do you want to share some tea?" asked Peach.

"Can I have your bank account numbers already?" asked the man, slightly impatiently.

"But we only just met!" said Peach.

The man with the top hat sighed.

"Let's play a role-playing game!" said the man.

"Yay! I like RPGs!" said Peach.

"Well, actually, non-computer games, you know, real life role-playing?" asked the man.

Peach stared at the man blankly, blinking.

"Non-computer… real life?" asked Peach, confused.

"Curses, she's too stupid!" thought the man to himself.

One of those clichéd light bulb things appeared over the man's head.

"Goodbye then!" said the man.

"Bye!" said Peach, closing the door.

The man rang the door bell.

"Oh no, it's an emergency!" said the same man, trying to act shocked.

"Oh no!" said Peach.

"But you can help, by giving me all your money… to a worthy cause!" said the man.

"Yay!" said Peach.

Peach ran upstairs, got her piggy bank, and ran downstairs.

The man opened the piggy bank.

"WTF? Forty-three cents? You are poor as anything!" said the man.

One of those clichéd light bulb things appeared over the man's head. Again.

"Can you borrow all of the money you can get, and give it to me?" asked the man.

"Sure, for a worthy cause!" said Peach.

Peach ran upstairs.

"Luigi, can I borrow all of your money?" asked Peach.

"No-a!" said Luigi, angrily.

…

…

Peach took all of Luigi's money.

"NUUEZ!1" screamed Luigi.

Peach ran downstairs, and gave the money to the man.

"Hahaha, fooled you!" said the man, laughing evilly, "I am… **a scammer!**"

Peach gasped.

"Oh well, I've been tricked plenty of times!" said Peach.

The man ran away from the Smash Mansion.

"Like the guy who tricked me into installing land mines!" said Peach.

"Land mines… what land mines?" asked the man.

The man stepped in a land mine.

Like, wow.

The humour remained dry.

The humour was so dry, that the apricots sitting on the table became dry apricots… no… dried apricots.

The chapter ended.

**THE END  
(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

Sorry for another dry chapter, I'm lacking a tad inspiration here. K.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!


	4. Ep 4: The Pikachu and Jigglypuff show!

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

**Chapter/Episode 4: The Pikachu and Jigglypuff Show!**

---

"Hey Pikachu, do you want to see a trick?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Of course, sweetie!" said Pikachu, kissing Jigglypuff on the trick.

"Okay, close your eyes!" said Jigglypuff, smiling.

"Sure, honey!" said Pikachu, closing his eyes, with a wide grin on his face.

Jigglypuff poured some whisky over Pikachu's body.

"What's that?" asked Pikachu, flirting, "Love potion?"

"Well, not exactly…" said Jigglypuff, lighting a match.

Jigglypuff threw the match onto Pikachu.

"AAH!1 AAAAAHHH!1 GAAAH!1" screamed Pikachu.

"Hahaha, you're on fire!" said Jigglypuff, "That is absolutely hilarious! Did you get the joke?"

"I'M ON FIRE!1 I'M ON FIRE!1" screamed Pikachu.

"You didn't? You don't get slapstick humour?" asked Jigglypuff.

Pikachu didn't respond, because he was too distracted.

"Why are you so distracted? Is it, your work again?" sulked Jigglypuff.

"I MAY BE DISTRACTED BECAUSE I'M ON FIRE! HELP!1 HELP!1" screamed Pikachu.

Pikachu ran into the bathroom, and cooled himself off into the bathtub.

Pikachu stomped out of the bathroom, glaring angrily at Jigglypuff.

"What? You don't think I'm funny? Why not?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Because lighting people on fire isn't funny?" asked Pikachu angrily.

"Yes it is!" said Jigglypuff, smiling.

"How would you like it if I lit you on fire?" asked Pikachu, still angry.

"That would be hilarious!" said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu lit Jigglypuff on fire.

"LOL! I'M ON FIRE!1" said Jigglypuff, as she ignited into flames.

Jigglypuff continued giggling.

"That's hilarious! I have severe first-degree burns!" said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu stared, a tad anxiously.

Jigglypuff continued to giggle.

"LOOK AT ME! I'm not putting the fire out, I'm rolling in kerosene!" laughed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff rolled in the kerosene.

Jigglypuff spontaneously combusted.

"Hahaha!" laughed Jigglypuff's remains.

The police came in.

"What happened?" asked the police.

"It was… er… suicide…" said Pikachu.

"HE LIT ME ON FIRE!" said Jigglypuff's body. "THAT WAS HILLARIOUS!1"

"You blew my cover!" cried Pikachu.

"You are sentenced to… half an hour in the same room as Fargus!" said the judge.

"NOO!1 DO THE DEATH PENALTY! THE DEATH PENALTY!1" screamed Pikachu.

Pikachu walked into Fargus' room.

"Can I read to you, 'Paint or Faint'?" asked Fargus.

Pikachu died from boredom.

Everyone clapped, as there was a Fargus cameo.

K.

**THE END  
(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter was as dry as those wheat cereals that claim that they're healthy, but are really sold to make the other cereals look bad. However, those dried wheat cereals are awful, and when you add enough sugar and milk, it's already as bad as the other ones.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!


	5. Ep 5: The Angst Show!

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

**Chapter/Episode 5: The Angst Show**

---

"Where did you get that box from?" asked Pichu, walking into Peach's room.

"Ebay!" said Peach, "You can buy or sell anything there!"

"Wow, really?" asked Pichu.

"Yes!" said Peach, smiling.

"Can I sell **anything I want **on there?" asked Pichu.

"Yes, and you can get away with it!" said Peach. "In fact, I sold Link into slavery this morning!"

"No you didn't!" shouted Link, from the other room.

The Nigerian men took Link away.

"Oh," said Link.

Into slavery.

"NUUEZ!" said Link.

"So, what did you buy that was in the box?" asked Pichu.

"I bought **angst **in a box!" said Peach.

"Hehehe," said Pichu, "That's funny! There's no such thing!"

"Yes there is!" said Peach. "Wanna try?"

"Sure!" said Pichu.

Pichu put his head into the box.

**Twelve seconds later…**

"What are you doing?" asked Jigglypuff, walking into Pichu's room.

Jigglypuff saw Pichu, with his face covered in white and black paint, a long black wig on his head, and with lots of cuts on his arms.

"Are you playing pretend?" asked Jigglypuff.

"I'm an emo now!" said Pichu.

"No you're not, silly!" said Jigglypuff.

Pichu put on a 'Green Day' CD.

"OMFG EMO!1" screamed Jigglypuff, running out of the room, crying.

_(Joeb is old… and an emo!)- Gooey_

**Back in Peach's room…**

"Hi Fargus!" said Peach, "I'm glad you liked my new angsty box!"

Peach looked at Fargus, dead on the floor.

"Guess you overdosed on angst!" said Peach.

No-one laughed.

"Fargus reference!"

"Yay!" said the small minority of people who actually get Fargus jokes.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter was as dry as a dry towel. And that's pretty dry.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!


	6. Ep 6: The Wedding Show!

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

This is as dry as any joke related to Peach, any of the other chapters of this story, Joeb's false teeth, any Joeb is old jokes, Joeb's oldness and Dr. Weirdlove, as well as any Dr. Weirdlove references.

**Chapter/Episode 6: The Wedding Show**

"OH NOES!1 THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN ATTACK!" screamed some people on the television set. "WHAT SHALLTH WE DO?"

Lots of people screamed.

"How about we shoot them? We have like, guns you know," said a guy on the screen.

"K," said the other villagers.

They did.

"Wow, that movie sucked," said Ness angrily.

"Oh well!" said Jigglypuff, smiling, "At least we get to see these lovely advertisements!"

"Buy corn flakes!" said a voice on the screen.

"Wow… I'm really enthralled," said Ness, sarcastically, "Random people shout at you, abusing you until you buy their products."

"I know, isn't it great?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Not really, the ads are pointless, useless, and contradict themselves," said Ness angrily.

"They don't contradict themselves!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"BUY THIS BOOK THAT IS AGAINST VERBAL ABUSE, YOU BUNCH OF F#&#&&&L HIPP&O MUNCHERS!" screamed an army officer, swearing.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

"See?" said Ness.

"Well, at least these advertisements aren't pointless or useless," said Jigglypuff happily.

"We just spent twenty thousand dollars to get this thirty second advertising segment," said a voice on the television, "And all we have to say with this huge waste of money is, Janet and Bruce, your cat is cute!"

"Oh," said Jigglypuff. "You're right, television advertisements suck."

"Do you want to do something more interesting?" asked Ness.

"I know, let's egg random people's houses!" said Jigglypuff, evilly.

Jigglypuff threw an egg wildly.

It splattered all over the window.

"Wow, that was pointless," said Ness, "You just… you just threw an egg at your own window."

"Ooh, it's breaking the law! I'm getting such a high!" said Jigglypuff, high.

"So what, you're getting high by breaking your own stuff?" asked Ness.

"Yeah, that's right!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff grabbed some dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the kitchen.

Fourty-thousand dollars worth of kitchen equipment and cutlery was destroyed.

"Hehehe," laughed Jigglypuff, on a high.

"What about this?" asked Ness.

Ness started to shoot at a cupboard containing expensive China.

"You're right, that is fun!" laughed Ness, also on a high.

The giant cupboard fell on Ness.

The author gave up on this extraordinarily dry chapter, as it was going nowhere as usual.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter was as dry as a dry towel. And that's pretty dry.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

If you want me to write a chapter that makes sense, REVIEW!1


	7. Ep 7: Link gets agnry

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does.

This is almost as dry as a Fargus story. Yes, I know that is hard to believe, but this is incredibly unfunny. No, really, this chapter is subpar to the others, and that's pretty hard. Read and Review.

**Chapter/Episode 7: Link gets angry**

"Happy birthday Pit!" announced all of the smashers.

"Thanks guys!" said Pit, cheerfully, "It was so nice of you!"

May walked in.

May sweatdropped.

May walked out.

Fargus commented on how bad those last three lines of text were.

"We got you a present!" said Mario merrily, holding out a neatly-wrapped box.

"Thanks," said Pit, slowly unwrapping the box.

Pit neatly tore apart the gift-wrapping paper, to reveal another small parcel inside it. He ripped apart the cardboard on the side, and pulled out a DVD.

"Wow, a home-made DVD compiled by you guys!" said Pit joyfully, "Thanks guys!"

"You're welcome!" said all of the smashers in unison.

"In fact, as a gift of being nice, I've decided not to blackmail your rich family for a day!" said Bowser.

"Aww, thanks," said Pit.

Pit glanced at the calendar.

"Wait, it isn't my birthday!" said Pit shocked, "My birthday is tomorrow!"

Everyone chuckled heartily, as they realised they made a mistake.

Link angrily stormed in.

"You forgot about my birthday!" shouted an angered Link angrily. "Did you buy any presents for me?"

Silence.

(Oh crap this is going nowhere.)

"That's it, I'm leaving!" said Link angrily.

Link left.

Link stormed off.

Everybody continued heartily laughing.

"That's it, I'm leaving **forever**!" said Link angrily.

Link left.

Link stormed off.

Everybody continued heartily laughing.

"That's it, I'm leaving, and you're not going to see me again!" said Link angrily.

Link left.

Link stormed off.

Everybody continued heartily laughing.

"I really mean it," said Link, coming back in.

Nobody said anything.

Link really ran away, genuinely.

Link ran back.

"I'm just going to murder you all," said Link under his breath.

Link did.

The police came.

"We are the police," said the police.

"Shock," said Link.

"You will suffer in jail!" said the police.

Link got carried away into a jail cell.

"Oh well, at least things can't be that bad," said Link.

Fargus appeared.

"Hi, I'm Fargus! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLL!L!ILIEKMAYPRON!1 I'M GOING to be your cellmate for life!" said Fargus.

Everybody clapped, because the joke was absolutely **so original.**

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter is especially dry, because I wrote it in like a minute.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

Bonus points for using internet lingo!


	8. Ep 8: The Romance Show!

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SSBM characters mentioned in this story, Nintendo does. Can you believe it? This is as utterly dry as (shudder) Hoogiman's fanfics. Can you believe that? No? That's what I thought. Anyway, enjoy this, for I have typed it in 3 minutes. So yeah. LOLZ Luk at me I stole this joke that isn't even funny about getting the word count up. And here's five more words LAWL!1 And boy do I **never** get the word count of my stories up at the beginning of the story! In fact, my 57 chapter long story has a thousand word long list at the start of every chapter! Well actually, that kind of makes the joke hypocritical as I seem to be the worst offender of recycling the same list with random assorted names from other totally different TV shows/games, such as 'Moe, Carl and Lenny', freakin' characters who weren't even mentioned. No, I never said any of my writing was good. Nintendo owns: Pit, Wario, Jigglypuff, Mario, and all of the other Super Smash Brothers Characters.

**Chapter/Episode 8: The Romance Show**

_The moon was dimly lit, (Italicised text, so that it looks descriptive even though it describes nothing) like candles in an empty hallway, beaming against the blossom moonlight waves of the sea._

_Their two passions met, like a whale spouting water out of its blowhole, the water containing tiny droplets of love (Now to set the scene, without naming any characters)._

_**Three days ago…**_

Roy sat in the hallway, yearning about another.Her beauty stuck into his memory so well, that he could practically touch her without her presence.

Zelda walked up to Roy, walking elegantly, like a very elegant… duck.

"What'cha thinking about?" asked Zelda, in her sweet angelic voice.

"Er… nothing," said Roy, nervously, "I was just… reading this book…"

"I know you weren't reading that book, you had that sly grin on your face," said Zelda, flirty.

"You're clever," said Roy, giggling.

"Y- y- y- y- y-" said Zelda, stumbling.

Roy giggled. "Stumbling for words?"

Roy smiled.

"Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y-" said Zelda.

Roy continued to giggle.

"Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y-" said Zelda, starting to choke.

Roy giggled, slightly worried.

"Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y- Y-" said Zelda.

Roy started to look a bit alarmed.

Zelda started to choke.

"Are you okay?" asked Roy.

Zelda vomited out her spleen.

"Are you okay? I have a feeling you might not be okay," said Roy.

Zelda continued to vomit, and started to bleed out of her chest.

"Hmm… maybe you should see Dr. Mario, he's good with people who feel sick."

Zelda **died.**

"O NOES!1 CALL AN AMBULANS!1" said Roy.

The ambulance came.

"Heh," said Roy.

"We can't revive her," said the ambulans people.

"NUUEZ!1" said Roy.

Roy started to use CPR on Zelda.

Nothing happened.

"You can't die because I love you!" cried Roy.

Zelda woke up.

"So you do love me!" said a cheerful Zelda.

"B- b- was that… a joke?" asked Roy, shocked.

"Of course," giggled Zelda.

"B- but you vomited out your spleen," said Roy, still shocked.

"O GAWD, MY SPLEEN!"

Zelda was admitted to hospital.

**Three days later…**

"I love you," said Roy.

"I love you too."

"Let's marry," said Roy.

"Yes, we should marry."

**Two days later…**

"Us are at an wedding," said Jigglypuff.

"Yes," said Peach.

"I love you," said Roy to his partner.

"I love you too."

"You may now kiss the bride," said the random priest.

Roy kissed the Wigglytuff.

"OMFG SHOK HOW THE FECK DID I MARRY YOU SHOCK AAH MY LIFE IS IN RUIN! SEPPUKU!"

Roy killed himself.

Zelda climbed out of the Wigglytuff suit.

"NUE!1" said Zelda.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter is especially dry, because I wrote it in like a minute.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

Bonus points for using internet lingo!


	9. Ep 9: HERBERT FRIGGS'S SAILING ADVENTURE

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer by Tikitikirevenge:

Mario, Peach, Zelda and Link are the property of Nintendo! Now, I've just received some bad news. My very real friends, HoogiTiki and ILUVTIKISCHARACTER have just announced that they are going on vacations. Because of this, they can't get fanfiction accounts and start posting stories about my characters. That sucks. And, um, they're leaving tomorrow. And I didn't know this before 'cuz they are my bestest friends ever. Anyway, I had to delete my story, 'A World Enchaosed by Embroilery', because I decided it sucked. I will pretend any reviews I got for it accusing me of stealing from every single author with an account on this site **never happened**. Because they didn't. I just, um, didn't like the story. Anyway, I bet that you want to hear a thousand-word essay about my life! Well, um… my new, super duper secret fic (it doesn't have Bowser in it!) is going really really well. It's going to be the best fic EVAR! Now, it's going to come out in January. I shall release a trailer next week. It will be made in Microsoft Paint. And, um, these are my new stats, in case you cared. I've written **962** words across all my stories! I'm on the favourites list of **804** different authors! I'm on the author alert list of **1065** authors! This completely explains why I've received a grand total of four reviews this month when I updated six times every day – I just have such a huge fan base! (Thanks to the people who submitted the reviews – my friends Hoshihuru and FargusTehWoman, as well as two people I **don't know** called iLiekDJs and hoogi. I think hoogi's one was a flame.) All super smash brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

**Chapter/Episode 9: The case of the people who suddenly cease being alive.**

"Finally! Now I can stab you Link, now that we are both in this dark, dark, room, where nobody can hear you scream!" laughed Ganondorf, holding Link up by his collar.

"Spare me! I beg you!" begged Link.

"Sorry," said Ganondorf, stabbing Link in the skull, watching the blood ooze out.

"Hahahahaha! And **nobody **saw me kill Link!" laughed Ganondorf menacingly.

Jigglypuff flicked on the light switch.

"SURPRISE!" shouted all of the other smashers joyfully, with streamers, balloons and party hats surrounding them.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GANONDORF!" chanted all of the Smashers in unison, happily.

Everyone opened their eyes, and realised that Ganondorf was holding Link's **BLEEDING **body.

Everybody screamed.

"Er… Ganondorf, why are you holding… Link's… dead… body?" asked Ness, in shock.

Ganondorf's heart pounded. He slowly looked around the room, trying to find a scapegoat.

"Aha! Mario is the murderer! I just found Link lying here, and because Mario was already in the room: **MARIO IS THE MURDERER!**" announced Ganondorf, pointing to Mario, holding a toy gun. "We even have a murder weapon!"

Everyone looked at Mario, angrily.

"Are-a you going to beat me up? Those claims are preposterous!" said Mario, angrily, "Ganondorf is obviously the murderer! He's the one holding the bloody knife! He's the one who **found **the body in the first place! He was the only one who was with Link at the time, who we sent to distract Ganondorf so we could set up-a the party! With all of this conclusive evidence obviously confirming Ganondorf as the murderer, how can you **possibly **blame me?"

…

…

…

…

"He's got a gun!" said Captain Falcon, "He has to be the murderer!"

Everyone bashed Mario to death.

As Mario died, he muttered in his final words, "…but this… this is… a toy gun… and Link died… from… from stab wounds… k- kill Ganondorf… in my honour!"

Mario died.

"NUUEZ!1" said everyone.

Everyone glared angrily at Ganondorf.

…

…

…

"Er… who wants to play Limbo?" asked Ganondorf.

"YAI!1" said everyone.

FIN.

**THE END**

**(of chapter)**

Again, I am so, so sorry for any harm caused.

This chapter is dry as dried fruit. And that's pretty dry.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

Bonus points for using internet lingo!


	10. Ep 10: Snake is sad :

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of Nintendo. Unlike particular authors, the reviews for this story were actually made by other people! That's right, real people! We were sued by angry businessmen from other countries, so we now cannot make any more Fargus references. Instead, we will have to result to brainless humour for cheap laughs. Oh wait, we already were. Damn. All Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

**Chapter/Episode 10: Herbert Friggs eats j00r children!**

"Why doesn't anybody like me?" moaned Snake to himself, resting himself against the corner of two walls.

Snake continued to sob.

"Oh, there there," said Peach, sitting down next to Snake, comforting him, "I'm sure everybody likes me! Er… you!"

"But they don't!" cried Snake. "I didn't get a single valentine or a single Christmas card in the last year! Those advertising corporations weren't even nice enough to give me a free impersonalised 'Seasons Greetings Cards'!"

Snake continued to sob.

"And the baker at the bakery wasn't kind enough to give me a free sample of sourdough because I took the whole basket and ate it all the day before!" sobbed Snake.

Snake tried to contain the tears rushing down his cheeks.

"And the Duck-E-Cheese™ duck wouldn't give me any cheese, even when I said **please**!" wailed Snake.

"First of all, he's just a mascot, he doesn't make the food, second of all, they don't make cheese there, it's like a restaurant, but you're right, that wasn't very nice of him at all!" said Peach.

"And the nice people selling me cheap software wouldn't respond to my questions, even though I tried to make some proper conversation with them!" cried Snake.

"Don't worry Snake!" said Peach, "You're a great guy! I can be your friend!"

"Really?" asked Snake, not crying anymore.

"Yeah, we can be **best, bestest, BESTEST FWENDS EVAR!1**" shouted Peach.

"I CAN'T STAND YOU!" screamed Snake, mutilating Peach to death with his teeth.

…

"Why doesn't anybody like me?" moaned Snake to himself, resting himself against the corner of two walls.

**EDN**

Tiki died proofreading this story. It wasn't from laughter.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

Bonus points for using internet lingo!


	11. Ep 11: Link has a frog!

PEACHY DAYS!  
By Hoogiman

I would like to formally apologise for any injuries caused by this story, due to its awfulness, lack of humour, and abundance of Peach.

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of Nintendo. The lack of updating belongs to me. All Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

**Chapter/Episode 11: THE FROG**

Link roamed anxiously through the halls of the Smash Mansion, looking carefully in every room he passed. He rummaged through each room one by one, not having a care that he was messing up the rooms of others. Link walked into Meta Knight's bedroom.

"Hey Meta Knight," said Link, panicking, "Have you seen Jimmy, my pet frog?"

Meta Knight stared blankly at Link.

"No," said Meta Knight.

Meta Knight ran through a little passage through the floorboards of his room.

"Cute," chuckled Link, walking along.

Link walked into Peach's room.

"Peach, have you seen my pet frog?" asked Link.

"No," giggled Peach.

"Oh," said Link.

Link started to walk towards the next room.

"Link! Guess what I found!" shouted Peach excitedly, out of Link's view.

Link scampered back towards Peach.

"What?" asked Link.

"A frog!" said Peach, celebrating.

"Thanks Peach! You're the best!" cheered Link.

"I'll call him Hubert, or Herbert!" laughed Peach, oblivious to what Link said.

"Actually Peach, that was the frog that I was looking for," laughed Link.

"He's mine now!" said Peach, cuddling up the frog.

"Bu-"

"Finders keepers!" giggled Peach, squeezing the frog very tightly.

"Bu-"

"Besides, I'm great at taking care of frogs!" laughed Peach.

The frog struggled to breathe.

"Peach, he's mi-"

"He's mine!" giggled Peach.

Link frowned.

"Fine then, you can have it," said Link angrily.

"Thanks!" said Peach.

Link stormed off angrily.

"_Oh well," _thought Link to himself,_ "At least she can't harm him or anythi-_"

Link heard something mushy bash against the wall.

"Ahh!" screamed Link.

Link ran back into Peach's room.

"What did you do to him?" screamed Link.

"Don't worry," giggled Peach, "All I was doing was throwing this squishy ball against the wall!"

Link sighed in relief.

Link walked off.

"Whoops, I guess that's the end of him!" said Peach.

"**GASPS!1**" shouted Link in panic.

Link ran back into Peach's room.

"What did you do to him?" screamed Link.

"I was just watching reruns of 'The Bill', that English cop show!" giggled Peach. "Don't worry, I wouldn't harm him!"

"Phew," said Link.

Link walked off.

"Frogs taste yummy!" said Peach.

Link panicked, and ran back in.

"What did you do to him?" screamed Link.

"Don't worry, I was just eating these jelly frogs!" said Peach.

"Phew," said Link.

"And putting my milk in the blender!" said Peach.

"Haha, you know that milk doesn't-"

Link looked at the blender.

…

And saw blood.

…

Frog blood.

…

Because Peach put Link's frog in the blender.

"NUUEZ!1" said Link.

**EDN**

Nobody ever laughs at this story.

Tiki died proofreading this story. This is amazing, considering that he was already dead. If the story was so bad it killed you too, Tiki would be glad for some new friends.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

Bonus points for using internet lingo!


	12. Dr Weirdlove Secret Episode

**DR WEIRDLOVE**  
**or, "How I learnt to stop worrying and love the bad romance fic"**  
by _tikitikirevenge_.

Disclaimer: This chapter was too secret to put in Dr. Weirdlove. This is really Hoogiman. All characters referenced in the story are owned by Nintendo.

**CHAPTER 492: The Legend of Zelda: Fox's Quest for Love II: Electric Boogaloo**

"Falco?" asked Fox, grinning, standing on a balcony. "Do you- do you love me?"

"No," said Falco. He pulled out a gun and shot Fox.

**Next Day…**

"Do you love me now?" asked Fox, holding flowers. "I'm holding flowers," said Fox, holding flowers.

"No, and I'm folding hours," said Falco. He shot Fox again.

**Next Day…**

"The doctors say I sustained many permanent lower spinal cord injuries due to the fall due to the gunshot that you gunshotted at me," said Fox. "But do you lov-"

Falco picked up Fox's wife Krystal and bashed him on the head with her.

**Next Day…**

"Uh… Falco, do y-"

"ASAYUIGDIAUDWHUIWBHO!1" screamed Falco, stabbing Mario.

"Guuh, I die!" screamed Mario, dying.

"Whoops, wrong person!" laughed Falco.

"Do you lo-"

Falco stabbed Fox.

**Next Day…**

"Um, Falco," said Fox, "I know I've been through some rough times lately, but do you love me?"

Falco gouged out his own eyes and choked Fox to death with them.

**Next Day…**

"Master Hand, can I have a sharpener?" asked Fox.

"Sure, here's your sharpener," said Master Hand. He gave Fox a sharpener.

"Falco, do you love me?" asked Fox.

"I'm Master Hand," said Master Hand.

Fox went to Falco.

"Falco, do you love me?" asked Fox.

"SHUT UP, FURRY!" cried Falco.

(Note: Falco is clearly insane at this point. Obviously he is being very mean to the poor little animals, who are people too of course, and we shouldn't take him too seriously, because everybody knows that even the ancient Egyptians liked anthropomological animals. And, um, don't flame plz.)

During the long author's note, Falco forgot to kill Fox. So Fox kissed him.

Everyone was happy. The end.

_If you found this humorous, it was written by Hoogiman  
If you found the offensive, it was written by Tikitikirevenge_**  
**


	13. THIS IS NOT FUNNY ATALL

Tetris: The Musical  
By Hoogiman

**Disclaimer**: All characters in this story are the property of Nintendo. The lack of updating belongs to me. All Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. Also, this is nawt funny.

**Chapter 2: Possibly the worst thing I have ever written**

Disclaimer II: This is possibly the worst thing I have ever written.

"Link, guess what!" said Peach.

"What?" replied Link.

"I got a Snake for my birthday!" said Peach.

"Hahaha," said Link, "Wouldn't it be funny if you got that guy called Snake for your birthday, as opposed to a live snake for your birthday!"

Link chuckled to himself.

"But Link," said Peach, "I really do have Snake in my room, tied up."

Link continued to chuckle. "Peach, you have such a clever imagination, witty lines, a divine sense of humour and good taste in kitchen appliances."

Link continued to chuckle.

"Come here, pet Snake!" said Peach.

Link continued to chuckle.

Snake on a leash walked into the room.

"Hahahahahaha," said Link, "This is a very elaborate joke you have planned to humour me for here, I am glad you appreciate me as a human being."

"Help me Link," said Snake, "I am being held hostage and held as a pet by Peach!"

"O NOES," said Link, "O NOESOSoSSOSOOOESOSOSOOOES!1 WHAT DO I DO!"

"Let us buy, Kentucky Fried Chicken," said Marth.

The author died from copyright infringement.

**EDN**

Guestwritten by Link1203292432.

Review, I like feedback. This is le serialised fic, so there's a new adventure every time!

Bonus points for using internet lingo!


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